


Distracting

by hiddencorners



Category: Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu | The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2012-09-19
Packaged: 2017-11-14 14:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddencorners/pseuds/hiddencorners
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruhi had analyzed every slump he took, every cock of his head, every restless fidget of the boy's torso and arms. She even considered writing a book titled "Kyon's Anatomy".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gotta Go

**Author's Note:**

> Former oneshot that became a series of drabbles. Hope you guys enjoy these!

When Haruhi Suzumiya deemed her teacher's lecture boring to the point that she would want to jump out of the window, she would unknowingly divert her attention to the boy who sat in front of her during class hours. To be more specific, the brunette would stare idly at Kyon's back to pass the time.

She found herself to be morbidly fascinated by the way Kyon shifted in his seat. Haruhi had analyzed every slump he took, every cock of his head, every restless fidget of the boy's torso and arms. She even considered writing a book titled "Kyon's Anatomy". The thought was absurd and utterly ridiculous but it nonetheless made her snicker under her breath.

However, her amusement soon faded and the boy's twitching was making Haruhi very annoyed. The girl made a mental note to tell him in the subtlest way possible that his moving around was distracting.

But the SOS Brigade's chief was anything but subtle.

"OW!" Haruhi reached over and tugged both of Kyon's earlobes. **Hard**. "What was that for?!" He said while rubbing his ears.

Haruhi grinned. "Punishment." Kyon groaned and raised his arms in mock surrender.

"Yare yare. Punishment for what, 'my dear chief'?"

"For moving around in your seat like you have to pee," Her smile grew more mischievous. "If you gotta go, Kyon, then you gotta go."

The entire class couldn't help but laugh at the girl's retort.


	2. Scratching Post

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this is why girls like having a manicure done. Their nails can be used as weapons to fend off sexual predators. One poke in the eye and the pervert hitting on you will run away screaming.

After that "You Gotta Go" incident in class the other day, I thought Haruhi would get bored toying with me; shifting her attention into other things

"Haruhi--"

_Why do I love jinxing my good fortune?_

"I'm not done yet, Kyon." She said while scribbling madly on my back with her fingernail

"I can see that. But can you remind me why we're playing this in the first place?"

"Because it's fun." _Typical Haruhi response._

Okay, let me explain what was happening here. Somehow, both I and the SOS Brigade's benevolent leader ended up going to school earlier than the rest of the class. I'll add the fact we were the only ones in the classroom.

"Damn it! Hold still!"

Haruhi steadied my shoulders and poked my nape with said fingernail. Maybe this is why girls like having a manicure done. Their nails can be used as weapons to fend off sexual predators. One poke in the eye and the pervert hitting on you will run away screaming.

"What are you, writing a novel??" I moved my chair back toward my desk. "Your literary masterpiece is making the hairs on my neck stand up!"

Have I mentioned that she's insanely strong? Because if I haven't, then you wouldn't be able to imagine how a petite girl like Haruhi Suzumiya can pull my chair (with me in it) back with one forceful yank.

"Look what you did!"

_Call it whatever you want. It was self-preservation on my part!_

"I have to start all over again!" And with that, she started to 'write' again; treating my back like it was her own personal blackboard.

"The game's pretty simple, Kyon," To my relief, her writing pace slowed down a bit. "I write and you guess what it is!"

"Yes, I know. You explained it to me earlier."

"Then why (poke) aren't (poke) you (poke) cooperating (poooookee)?"

_I feel like I've been scratched by Shamaisen… numerous times. Ow._

"Well, let me ask you this: What's with the sudden fixation with my back?"

I heard her groan in exasperation and she started to smooth out the wrinkles of my blazer. Great, she started 'writing' again...

"Who says I'm fascinated?" She took it upon herself to straighten my posture by poking my sides with both of her fingers. Somebody! Anybody! Please smack her now. "I thought you'd like this game…"

"Like it?" Her fingers "wrote" a little bit harder.

_I had become her scratching post! Wonderful._

"Yeah," Oddly, the jotting on my back became more... gentle. "I played this with my friends all the time when I was in elementary school..."

"You did?" I was trying to imagine how a younger Haruhi would look like playing this game. Begrudgingly, I admitted it would look cute.

"I just told you, didn't I?" Finally, she stopped mutilating what's left of my back. "Now, guess! Or heads will roll."

_Particularly, mine._

Since we've been so chatty, I wasn't paying attention to what she was writing.

"Er,"

"Don't tell me you didn't even try to pay attention to what I was writing!"

"Geez, Haruhi. Give me a minute," I decided to say the first words that popped into my mind and pray to whatever deity that watched over me that it was the right answer. "'Orihime and Hikoboshi'?"

Truthfully, I had expected that Haruhi will pull me down by my shirt collar and my head will hit the corner of her desk for the nth time in a row. But my impending headache was not realized. She was quiet for a good 10 minutes or so (I wish to revel in those minutes for time immortal!).

"Haruhi?"

Okay, I'll admit it. A quiet Haruhi Suzumiya was unnerving. I turned my entire torso to face her.

"Haruhi, I got it right?"

"Y-yeah," Her eyes were wide and her mouth was agape. She looked really pensive as well. "I haven't thought about that for a--- Wait, YOU GOT IT RIGHT?"

And I thought she was getting serious for a second there.

"Wow, I got it right."

"No fair!" _How is guessing the correct answer 'unfair'?_ "Do over! Best two out of three!"

"Not again."

"Yes, again! That was a fluke."

_Well, she got me there._

And now, I am back to square one; where Haruhi 'doodles' whatever she fancies on my back.

But I'll be attentive now. Saves the heartache.

Hmm…

_**Kyon, you're an idiot.** _

Why am I not surprised? Fine, I'll humor her just this once.

"Umm, 'Fumoffu'?" I paused. I had to make her believe that I was thinking real hard about my guess "'Second Raid'?"

"AHA! Wrong!" _Ugh, she just poked my back again, didn't she?_ "You're going to pay for my lunch later, minion!"

"Fine," So, she won and this probably will cause her ego to swell a couple more meters. But that doesn't mean that I'm beaten. "I'll pay for your lunch... Haru-Haru."

"Ugh! I told you not to call me that!"

"Why not, Haru-Haru?" I turned to face her; a small smirk was forming on my lips. Haruhi had that patented glower on her face. However, she was able to regain some composure and returned the smirk fully.

"Because, Kyon, besides treating me to lunch, you're going to stay behind and clean the clubroom."

"Okay."

"While wearing a pink, frilly apron!" Haruhi had that look of steely determination. It was quite admirable, actually.

"I'll risk it."

"And! Singing the 'Hare Hare Yukai' without butchering it!"

"Whatever you say, Haru-Haru."

Haruhi was about to say something else – probably adding more humiliating things for my punishment – but she was cut off by the thump of the sliding door.

"Ara, Suzumiya-san, Kyon-kun. It has only been the two of you here?" It was one of our classmates, looking curiously at the both of us.

"Yeah." Haruhi replied. I nodded.

"Oh, I see." Good thing he didn't question what we were doing with all the free time bestowed upon us. "Don't mind me; carry on with what you're doing."

Haruhi did so. She slumped on her seat and furrowed her brow.

_Still plotting I see._

"Shut up. I just thought of the last part of your punishment."

"Well, bring it on."

"You have to walk me home after performing all your tasks."

"Uh huh... Then, won't you be waiting for a long time?"

"What do you mean?" I saw her forehead crinkle after I voiced my query. After clearing my throat, I continued with my train of thought.

"I'm not exactly a seasoned multi-tasker, Haruhi,"

"So?"

"You'll be going home in the dead of night by the time I finished cleaning and singing the entire 'Hare Hare Yukai'."

There was a short interval of silence. I guess she was seriously considering my explanation.

"Fine. No more singing. But, you'll still have to wear the apron."

I mocked a salute. "Roger, chief. I'll be looking forward to it."

"You better! Absence will not be tolerated!"

"Yeah, yeah."


	3. Tennis Rally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was different on this particular day in the clubroom was their skirmish went longer than usual. And oddly enough, their retorts had consisted nothing but a series of questions.

It had become commonplace for Haruhi and Kyon to have a “heated discussion” in the SOS Brigade’s headquarters. The usual pattern usually went like this: Haruhi would come up with another harebrained scheme and Kyon would object vehemently without fail. The two had their share of victories but in the end, the argument would be settled.

“Why are you always butting in?!”

“Don’t you have one considerate bone in your body??”

What was different on this particular day in the clubroom was their skirmish went longer than usual.

“How are we going to get noticed by the public if we don’t stand out?!!”

“Can’t we do that without being… controversial?”

And oddly enough, their retorts had consisted nothing but a series of questions.

“Was that stick always stuck up in your ass?”

“Huh, have you always had that one-track mind?”

The only one worried about this ongoing diatribe between them was Mikuru. She turned to Yuki, asking the taciturn alien how to stop the verbal melee.

“Our intervention is not necessary,” Yuki said without looking up from her book. “The situation will rectify itself momentarily.”

Instead of finding comfort in Yuki’s words, Mikuru was more worried than ever. The time-traveler sighed miserably; shifting her attention back to her bickering underclassmen.

“I hope that you are right, Nagato-san… I really hope that you are right.”

Meanwhile, Kyon and Haruhi’s dispute was still going strong. Neither one of them was budging from their stance.

“Is having a little fun a crime?”

“Does the word ‘expulsion’ mean anything to you?”

Both of them paused to catch their breaths. One thing they were agreeing on was that this petty squabble was getting tedious and annoying. It had to stop.

Haruhi started again, choosing her words carefully. “Ne, Kyon, aren’t you getting tired?”

Kyon shook his head. “What, giving up?” he asked breezily.

The two were silent once more, glaring daggers at each other. Haruhi took a deep breath and poked her finger to her forehead. Kyon raised an eyebrow, wondering what on Earth was the girl doing. The girl opened her mouth to speak but a soft knock on the door followed instead.

"Ah, sorry I'm late," It was Itsuki, the esper of the bunch. "What did I miss?"

"NOT NOW, KOIZUMI!" Kyon yelled at the esper, irritated at being interrupted.

Haruhi didn't take too kindly at anyone yelling at her second-in-command. She promptly picked up and threw a round-white-gizmo-otherwise known as a wireless mouse at Kyon's head. Thankfully, both he and Itsuki were able to dodge the projectile, while the latter quietly went to where Mikuru and Yuki sitting.

“Say Kyon,” Her casual tone caught the boy off guard. He turned to face her.

“What now?”

“Do you even remember what we’re arguing about?”

Haruhi grinned impishly while Kyon excused himself to bang his head against the wall outside.


End file.
